Partial profile · Book Profile — full narrative profile planned
Guide to Getting it On
A comprehensive, humorous, and non-judgmental sex manual that treats sexual pleasure as a lifelong learning adventure grounded in communication, respect, and understanding rather than mechanical technique alone.
A profile of this book is on the way.
What it’s about
The Guide To Getting It On is the antidote to both clinical sex textbooks and dehumanizing pornography. Across nearly 1,200 pages, psychologist Paul Joannides covers everything from hand jobs and oral sex to relationships, birth control, sexual health, gender, orientation, disability, and the cultural history of sex—all delivered with warmth, wit, and irreverence. Its governing philosophy is that 'it doesn't matter what you've got in your pants if there is nothing in your brain to connect it to.' The book insists that great sex is built on communication, feedback, playfulness, mutual respect, and self-knowledge, not on penis size, porn-star performance, or achieving orgasm on cue. Used in over 50 college sex-education courses and refreshingly honest about what science does and doesn't know, it empowers readers to explore their own unique sexuality while treating partners with care.
The through-line
- Who it’s for
- A curious person of any age, gender, or orientation who wants to enjoy sex more fully—giving and receiving real pleasure while feeling comfortable, informed, and respected.
- The problem
- They lack accurate, practical information about how to please a partner, understand their own body, handle sexual problems, and navigate the realities of birth control, STIs, and relationships. They feel anxious, inadequate, ashamed, or confused about sex—worried they don't measure up, don't know what to do, or that their desires are weird.
- The plan
- Connect your brain to your body—treat sex as a lifelong learning adventure grounded in communication and respect.
- Learn how your own and your partner's anatomy, arousal, and responses actually work.
- Talk openly, ask for and give feedback, and explore together instead of assuming or performing.
- Handle the practical realities responsibly—consent, birth control, STI prevention, and sexual health.
- Approach problems, differences, and life circumstances with patience, humor, and good information.
- The payoff
- You experience sex as fun, intimate, and honest, giving and receiving real pleasure. · You feel comfortable in your own skin and confident communicating your desires and boundaries. · You navigate birth control, STIs, consent, and sexual problems with knowledge instead of fear.
See our guide
Additional reading
- Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage · Laurie Watson
Recommended as an excellent resource for couples dealing with a loss of sexual desire or desire discrepancy in a long-term relationship.
- Reclaiming Your Sexual Self: How You Can Bring Desire Back Into Your Life · Kathryn Hall
Cited as another highly recommended book offering an intelligent approach for individuals seeking to rediscover their sexual desire.
- Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic · Ester Perel
Presented as a thoughtful look at the challenge of keeping sex alive and exciting within the confines of a long-term, domestic relationship.
- The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked · Jennifer Axen and Leigh Phillips
Suggested for readers interested in stripping for their partners, offering practical advice and emphasizing attitude and personal style over having a 'perfect' body.
- Sex for One · Betty Dodson
Quoted extensively for its compassionate perspective on male erection issues and the diversity of women's sexual experiences, reinforcing the book's non-judgmental tone.
- The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure · Charlie Glickman
Highly recommended as a thoughtful and well-written guide for men and their partners who want to explore the prostate's potential for sexual pleasure.
- Anal Pleasure and Health · Jack Morin
Described as the 'bible on the subject,' this book is recommended for anyone interested in exploring anal sex in a safe, healthy, and pleasurable way.