Partial profile · Book Profile — full narrative profile planned
Love Sense The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships
Drawing on attachment science, neuroscience, and couple therapy research, this book argues that romantic love is a comprehensible, adaptive survival bond that can be deliberately made, repaired, and sustained.
A profile of this book is on the way.
What it’s about
Love Sense overturns the belief that romantic love is a mysterious, unruly force by revealing it as an attachment bond—the adult continuation of the same wired-in need for secure connection that binds infants to caregivers. Blending three decades of clinical practice, laboratory experiments, fMRI studies, and the framework of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Susan Johnson shows that our first and foremost human drive is not sex or aggression but the seeking of comforting connection, that emotional dependency is a strength rather than a weakness, and that secure attachment—not hot sex or self-sufficiency—is what makes love last and even makes sex better. The book maps how bonds erode through cycles of criticism and withdrawal or shatter through attachment injuries, and it lays out a concrete, evidence-based path—recognizing negative patterns and engaging in 'Hold Me Tight' conversations—by which any couple can rebuild trust and emotional responsiveness. It ends by extending these insights to society, arguing that cultivating secure connection is the foundation of health, resilience, empathy, effective leadership, and a humane civilization.
The through-line
- Who it’s for
- An adult who longs for lasting, fulfilling love and wants to understand how to create, repair, and keep a secure romantic bond.
- The problem
- Their love relationship feels distant, conflicted, or broken, and they don't know how to fix it. They feel confused, lonely, ashamed of their need for love, and afraid that love is beyond their control.
- The plan
- Understand that romantic love is an attachment bond and that your need for connection is normal and healthy.
- Learn how emotions, the brain, and the body shape your experience of love.
- Recognize the negative patterns—criticism, stonewalling, demand-withdraw—that erode your bond.
- Interrupt and dismantle these destructive cycles together.
- Engage in 'Hold Me Tight' conversations, reaching for your partner from vulnerability and responding with attuned care.
- The payoff
- A secure, responsive, lasting love that serves as a safe haven and secure base. · Better health, resilience, and happiness, plus a richer, more satisfying sex life. · The ability to weather life's transitions together and heal hurts as they arise.
See our guide
Additional reading
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love · Dr. Sue Johnson
The author's own previous book, which provides a simplified, practical guide for couples to implement the EFT conversations discussed in 'Love Sense'.
- A Secure Base: Clinical applications of attachment theory · John Bowlby
Written by the father of attachment theory, this book lays out the foundational concepts of 'safe haven' and 'secure base' that are central to 'Love Sense'.
- The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain · Louis Cozolino
Provides a deeper dive into the brain science of connection, elaborating on the neurological concepts (e.g., mirror neurons, social brain) that Johnson uses to support her arguments.
- Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change · Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver
A comprehensive academic text by two leading researchers frequently cited in 'Love Sense,' detailing the extensive research validating the application of attachment theory to adult romantic love.