Partial profile · Book Profile — full narrative profile planned
Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
A sex educator uses the latest neuroscience to explain that women's sexuality is normal, healthy, and deeply context-dependent, empowering them to live with confidence and joy by debunking harmful myths about desire, arousal, and orgasm.
A profile of this book is on the way.
What it’s about
So many women feel that their bodies and desires are broken, a feeling perpetuated by a culture that tells them they should be just like men, only to then judge them for it. In "Come As You Are," Dr. Emily Nagoski dismantles these destructive myths with compassion and hard science, revealing the true story of female sexuality. The book introduces the revolutionary Dual Control Model—the idea that sexual response is governed by a sexual "accelerator" and "brakes"—and demonstrates that the most crucial factor for a satisfying sex life is not what you do, but the context you're in. By explaining concepts like arousal nonconcordance and responsive desire, Nagoski proves that you are normal, whole, and fully capable of ecstatic pleasure, providing a new map to help you understand your own unique body and unlock a sex life filled with confidence and joy.
The through-line
- Who it’s for
- The reader is a woman who wants a fulfilling and joyful sex life, but feels confused, anxious, and even broken because her body and desires don't match the simplistic, male-centric stories she's been told by society. She deeply questions, 'Am I normal?'
- The problem
- She experiences common sexual challenges, such as low or mismatched desire, difficulty with arousal or orgasm, and intrusive body-image concerns during sex. She feels abnormal, inadequate, frustrated, and ashamed of her sexuality. She worries she is sexually 'broken' and feels hopeless about ever having the confident, pleasurable sex life she wants.
- The plan
- Understand the (Not-So-Basic) Basics: Learn the true science of your anatomy, your brain's 'Dual Control Model' (accelerator and brakes), and the critical role of context.
- Master Sex in Context: Discover how your emotions (stress and love) and cultural messages (about your body and what's 'dirty') profoundly impact your sexual response.
- Experience Sex in Action: Debunk the myths of arousal and desire by learning about arousal nonconcordance and responsive desire.
- Achieve Ecstasy for Everybody: Apply this knowledge to unlock your full orgasmic potential and learn to love your sexuality exactly as it is, creating the ultimate context for joy.
- The payoff
- The reader will feel confident, whole, and normal in her sexuality. · She will experience more pleasure, better orgasms, and deeper intimacy. · She will be empowered with the knowledge to navigate her unique sexual journey with joy.
See our guide
Additional reading
- The Body Keeps the Score · Bessel van der Kolk
Recommended for trauma survivors and those who love them, to understand the deep, physiological impact of trauma.
- Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma · Staci Haines
A specific guide for survivors working to heal their relationship with sex after trauma.
- Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers · Peggy Kleinplatz and Dana Ménard
Describes research on people with extraordinary sex lives, revealing that connection, intimacy, and authenticity are more important than desire or specific techniques.
- Becoming Orgasmic · Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo
Cited as the quintessential guide for any woman who struggles with orgasm, not just those who have never had one.
- Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships · Sue Johnson
Recommended for understanding the science of attachment in romantic relationships and how it relates to sex.
- The Mindful Way through Depression · Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn
Offered as a practical guide to mindfulness for managing any uncomfortable emotional experience, not just depression.