Partial profile · Step-by-step Guide — full narrative profile planned
Becoming Cliterate Why Orgasm Equality Matters - And How to Get It
A psychologist and sex educator argues that the widespread female orgasm gap is a cultural problem rooted in the myth that women should climax from intercourse, and provides the knowledge, attitudes, and skills women (and their partners) need to achieve orgasm equality through clitoral literacy.
This is a step-by-step procedural book — we're building it into Stepcode, with a profile to follow.
What it’s about
Becoming Cliterate is a warm, funny, evidence-informed guide that reframes women's difficulty reaching orgasm not as a personal failing but as a symptom of a penis-centered, intercourse-obsessed culture. Drawing on decades of therapy practice, university teaching, and feminist sexology, Laurie Mintz exposes the 'number one lie about getting laid'—that intercourse alone should bring women to orgasm—and replaces it with the science that about 95 percent of women need clitoral stimulation. The book moves from cultural analysis (why the pleasure gap exists) to practical skills (understanding female anatomy, cultivating sex-positive attitudes and mindfulness, mastering masturbation, translating solo skills to partnered sex through four new 'sexual scripts,' and communicating desires clearly). It even includes a chapter men can read to become cliterate too. Ultimately, it's a manifesto for orgasm equality—the idea that there is no quality without equality, including in the bedroom.
The through-line
- Who it’s for
- A woman (often 18–35) who wants to experience reliable, satisfying orgasms with a partner and to feel normal, empowered, and equal in her sexual life.
- The problem
- She rarely or never orgasms during partnered sex, often fakes it, and doesn't know what her body needs or how to get it. She feels broken, abnormal, self-conscious about her body, guilty or ashamed about sex, and worried that something is wrong with her.
- The plan
- Understand that your orgasm problem is a cultural problem, not a personal defect.
- Increase your cliteracy by learning female genital anatomy and how orgasm works.
- Train your mind with sex-positive thinking and mindfulness to remove pleasure-draining thoughts.
- Take matters into your own hands—learn to reliably reach orgasm through masturbation.
- Transfer your self-pleasure skills to partnered sex using new, equality-centered sexual scripts.
- The payoff
- Reliable, satisfying orgasms alone and with partners in any kind of encounter you choose. · Feeling normal, entitled to pleasure, and free of shame, guilt, and body self-consciousness. · Open, effective sexual communication and a partner who values your pleasure equally.
See our guide
Additional reading
- The Guide to Getting It On · Paul Joannides
The author cites this as a comprehensive and trusted source for all things sexual, using its anatomical information and quoting it multiple times. It is recommended for further details on topics like anal sex.
- She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman · Ian Kerner
This book is praised for teaching men oral sex skills and for its alignment with the author's philosophy of decentering intercourse. The term 'cliterate' was coined by Kerner, and this book is recommended directly to male partners.
- The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality · Shere Hite
Presented as a landmark feminist text from the 1970s that first brought widespread attention to the fact that most women don't orgasm from intercourse alone. The author draws on its findings and historical importance.
- A New View of a Woman's Body · The Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers
Highlighted as a radical and important book from the feminist era that provided detailed anatomical information about the clitoris and encouraged women to examine their own bodies.
- For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality · Lonnie Barbach
Quoted for its insights on masturbation and the cultural pressures women face. It's part of the historical canon of feminist self-help the author builds upon.
- The Sexual Healing Journey · Wendy Maltz
Specifically recommended as a key resource for women who have a history of sexual abuse and are trying to reclaim their sexuality.