Partial profile · Book Profile — full narrative profile planned
Boys & Sex
Through hundreds of candid interviews with young men, journalist Peggy Orenstein exposes how a rigid, outdated conception of masculinity shapes boys' understanding of sex, intimacy, and consent—and argues that engaging boys in honest conversations can produce healthier, more empathetic men.
A profile of this book is on the way.
What it’s about
Boys & Sex is the essential companion to Peggy Orenstein's Girls & Sex, turning her acclaimed reporting lens on young men aged sixteen to twenty-two. Over two years of intimate, hours-long conversations with more than a hundred college-bound boys of varied races, sexualities, and gender identities, Orenstein reveals a generation caught between egalitarian ideals and a stubbornly retrograde 'boy code' that demands emotional suppression, sexual conquest, and dominance. She unpacks the corrosive influence of ubiquitous pornography, alcohol-fueled hookup culture, jock and bro enclaves, and misogynist media, while also surfacing boys' own experiences of vulnerability, love, and even sexual victimization. Rather than condemning boys, Orenstein insists they are hungry for guidance and capable of change—offering parents and educators a hopeful, practical roadmap for raising young men who see women as full human beings and who can experience genuine intimacy. Provocative, compassionate, and urgently timely in the #MeToo era, the book is both a reckoning and a call to action.
The through-line
- Who it’s for
- A parent, educator, or caring adult (or a young man himself) who wants to raise or become an emotionally healthy, respectful man capable of genuine intimacy and ethical sexual relationships.
- The problem
- Boys are navigating a world of ubiquitous porn, alcohol-fueled hookup culture, confusing consent standards, and misogynist media with almost no honest adult guidance. Adults feel anxious, ill-equipped, and embarrassed about talking to boys about sex and emotions, while boys feel isolated, pressured, and afraid to show vulnerability.
- The plan
- Understand how traditional masculinity, media, and porn shape boys' emotional and sexual development.
- Have ongoing, casual, honest conversations rather than one awkward 'talk.'
- Teach affirmative consent clearly—and go beyond it to ethical, mutual, pleasurable sex.
- Name and challenge toxic masculinity while promoting emotional literacy and healthy connection.
- Be inclusive of all sexualities and gender identities, and address boys' own vulnerability to victimization.
- The payoff
- Boys who can express and identify their feelings and sustain authentic, intimate relationships. · Young men who see women as full peers deserving of dignity, empathy, and mutual pleasure. · Reduced sexual violence and genuine accountability when harm occurs.
See our guide
Additional reading
- Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School · C.J. Pascoe
The book frequently cites Pascoe's ethnographic research to explain how boys use homophobic slurs like 'fag' not necessarily to comment on sexual orientation, but to police the boundaries of the 'man box' and punish any behavior deemed unmasculine.
- American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus · Lisa Wade
Orenstein relies heavily on Wade's extensive research to frame the dynamics of hookup culture, including its dependence on alcohol, the orgasm gap, and the emotional dissatisfaction experienced by many students.
- Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Manhood · William Pollack
The author uses Pollack's concept of the 'boy code' as a key framework for understanding how boys are socialized from a young age to suppress their emotions and disconnect from their authentic selves.
- Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between · Shafia Zaloom
The book cites educator Shafia Zaloom's distinction that consent makes sex 'legal,' but not necessarily 'ethical' or 'good,' to argue for a more nuanced conversation about sexual ethics beyond a simple yes/no binary.