The Talk
How the guides work
These are actual examples from guides on this site, with links back to their source guide.
Compare different approaches
Does Closeness Fuel or Starve Desire?
One side
Attachment books (Love Sense, Hold Me Tight, The New Naked, Sex-Starved Marriage) hold that emotional security and closeness are the ground desire grows from — feeling safe lets you open erotically.
The other
Mating in Captivity, What Do Women Want, and the psychoanalytic couple book argue that too much fusion kills eros; desire needs distance, mystery, and the partner as a separate 'other.'
How to choose. Central contradiction on the intimacy-desire relationship: attachment-oriented books (Love Sense, Hold Me Tight, The New Naked, Sex-Starved Marriage) hold that emotional closeness/security ENABLES desire, while Mating in Captivity, What Do Women Want, and the psychoanalytic couple book argue that too much fusion/intimacy DIMINISHES erotic desire and that separateness/otherness is required.
From The Bicycle Guide to Understand Sex and Intimacy Honestly.