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A sex educator uses the latest science, particularly the dual-control model of sexual response, to explain that all variations of female sexuality are normal and that understanding one's personal 'brakes' and 'accelerator' in different contexts is the key to a confident and joyful sex life.

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What it’s about

Have you ever wondered, 'Am I normal?' when it comes to sex? In 'Come As You Are,' Dr. Emily Nagoski dismantles the myths and misinformation that leave so many women feeling sexually broken. Drawing on groundbreaking science, this book reveals the true story of female sexuality, centered on the 'dual control model'—the idea that our brains have both a sexual 'accelerator' and 'brakes' that are unique to each person. Nagoski explains that the key to a fulfilling sex life isn't about following a script or trying to be like someone else, but about understanding what hits your personal brakes and what steps on your accelerator. By exploring concepts like responsive desire, arousal nonconcordance, and the profound impact of context (stress, love, body image), the book provides a compassionate, evidence-based roadmap to help you embrace your sexuality exactly as it is, unlocking your potential for confident, joyful, and ecstatic pleasure.

The through-line

Who it’s for
The reader is a woman who feels confused, anxious, or broken about her sex life. She wants to feel normal, confident, and experience more joy and pleasure, but feels stuck and fears there's something wrong with her.
The problem
She struggles with common sexual issues like low desire, difficulty with arousal or orgasm, desire discrepancy with a partner, and body image concerns during sex. She feels abnormal, dysfunctional, frustrated, and hopeless. She worries she is sexually broken and that her relationship will suffer because of it.
The plan
  1. Learn the basics of your sexual hardware: your anatomy, your brain's 'dual control model' (accelerator and brakes), and the power of context.
  2. Understand how your emotional world—stress, love, attachment, and cultural messages about your body—shapes your sexual experiences.
  3. Debunk harmful myths about how arousal and desire are 'supposed' to work, learning about arousal nonconcordance and responsive desire.
  4. Cultivate ecstasy by understanding orgasm and, most importantly, creating the ultimate sex-positive context by learning to love what's true about yourself.
The payoff
The reader feels confident, joyful, and whole inside her own body. · She understands that her sexuality is normal and healthy, just as it is. · Her sex life becomes more pleasurable and ecstatic.

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